Cullen Design Firm Outtakes
by mystycblue
Summary: A collection of outtakes and oneshots from Cullen Design Firm.


**Emmett Vs. The Toilet**

~ This is an outtake/one-shot from chapter 14 of Cullen Design Firm. ~

~Author's notes- Okay so, I'm gonna share a secret here. This outtake actually has a basis in history. Well, my history at least. But for now, just read it and I'll explain a little more later on….

**POV-Emmett**

"This is so good," I said, in between bites. I was in the middle of devouring a plate of Carnitas.

"Jesus Emmett! Would you slow down?" my wife, Rosalie, scolded. "You don't have to eat like an animal."

We had ordered Mexican food, my favorite, for dinner. Sunday was always our day for what Rose called "quality time." Generally though, our "quality time" was spent doing laundry and yard work and chores. Today we did all the housework then went grocery shopping. Before we headed back home, I suggested we rent a few movies, order take-out, and just relax for the night. Surprisingly, Rose thought it was a great idea. When we had everything put away, she ordered food from La Tolteca, a small Mexican restaurant we both loved.

"Sorry babe," I replied. Sometimes I get really into my food.

"I forgot to tell you, your parents are coming over for dinner on Thursday," Rose said, as we were finishing our dinner. "I thought maybe I'd invite Alice and Jasper as well."

"Sound good honey," I said replied.

Alice, my younger sister, and Rosalie had gotten to be pretty good friends since we got married. Rosalie and I work for Alice's company, Cullen Design Firm. I'm the head of the Accounting department and Rosalie is a catalogue model. She first me Alice while working with Alice's husband, Jasper. Jasper is a photographer and had worked with Rose quite often. One night Alice stopped by a shoot they were working on to meet the model and see how the clothes were fitting. They hit it off and Alice ended up introducing us to each other. At first glance, Rose could have been just any other model but once we started talking we found out we had a lot in common. We started dating and the rest is history.

"Hey," I said, while rinsing off our dishes. "Will you grab my laptop?"

"What for?" Rose asked.

"Nothing too important. I got an email from Edward today asking me to tell you Angela's mom is planning a baby shower. They want you, mom, and Alice to go if you can make it. He also sent some new pictures of him and Angela," I explained. "I didn't have time to forward them to you today. She's getting huge."

"Emmett, she's eight and a half months pregnant!" Rose said, slugging me playfully on the arm. "I'll bring it back in a minute; I want to go change my clothes."

"Okay," I said. "I'm about done here. I'll meet you on the couch in a few."

Rosalie leaned over and kissed me. "Okay." She said, and then walked toward the door.

My gaze followed as she left the room. It may have lingered a little longer than necessary on my favorite one of her many splendid features. What can I say though, I am a man. And she does have a spectacular ass.

I finished loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and then made my way out to the living room. I put in the movie Rose had picked out and grabbed the remote, then made myself cozy on my giant, overstuffed, out of this world comfortable couch. I had the movie all ready to go when Rose came back with my laptop. I found the email quickly and showed her the photos.

"She is absolutely glowing," Rosalie gushed. My brother, Edward, and his wife were expecting their first child and day now. "I can't wait til we have a baby!"

I could wait though. Babies are nice and cute and all, but so much better when you can give them back at the end of the visit. I hadn't completely ruled out the possibility of us having our own children, but I just wasn't ready yet. I was still enjoying our "newlywed" status. Right now we can still be frivolous and spontaneous when we want to. Having kids now would put a stop to that, among other things.

"Someday baby," I said. I hated to discourage something she wanted so badly.

We settled in, cuddled up, and started the movie. Some chick flick she'd wanted to see. It actually wasn't half as bad as I'd feared. So many of those girly, romantic comedy shows that she likes are just ridiculously unreal. After the first movie, I had to excuse myself.

"Go ahead and get the next one ready, Hun. I need to go to the bathroom."

Mexican food may be my favorite food to eat, but damn, it tears me up something awful. It's not as bad as Chinese food that runs right through you. It takes it's time getting there, and then burns like hell coming out.

I got to the upstairs bathroom just in time to save myself the embarrassment of Rose hearing the thunderous fart that escaped. My flatulence didn't bother her per se, but she was relentless in giving me hell about it.

I sat down, tried to relax, and mentally prepared for what was to come. I hated the burning shits, but not enough to avoid them by not eating the foods I liked. When I was finished, I grabbed enough toilet paper to avoid a messy situation. I'm a big guy, I'm not gonna lie, I have a big ass too. I stood up and flushed the toilet, then stepped over to the sink to wash my hands. I was about to walk out when I realized something wasn't right.

"What the hell?" I said.

Though everything had gone down when I flushed, the water was now steadily rising back up, farther than it should be. This was not going to be good. I picked up the rug from in front of the toilet, just in case. It would be better for Rosalie not to know.

I grabbed the plunger from behind the toilet and went to work. I pushed it down into the toilet forcefully, trying to get enough suction to make it work. The water was up to the rim, and it wasn't slowing down.

"Oh shit," I said. "This is definitely not good."

I continued working the plunger in the bowl, trying every technique I knew to get the clog to pass. When the water started spilling over the sides of the bowl, I started to panic. The bathroom is directly over the living room. If it didn't stop soon, Rose was going to find out. As it is, she was probably sitting there wondering what's taking so long.

As I continued in my efforts, the water continued to spill. By this time I was standing in about two inches of water. I didn't know what else to try. I looked around for something to clean up the water with, but came up empty. The dirty towel hamper was empty since we'd done the laundry that morning. All the time, more water still flowed out onto the floor. Then I heard it…

"Emmett!!" Rosalie shrieked from the floor below.

I splashed through the puddle to open the door. "Yeah honey?" I shouted as calmly as I could.

"Baby!! It's raining down here. What the hell are you doing up there?" A moment later, I could hear her footsteps on the stairs. She was coming to find the source of the rain.

"Shit," I growled under my breath. "Shit, shit, shit."

Then Rosalie entered the bathroom. The look of horror on her face sent a chill down my spine. I knew that look. It was the washing machine incident all over again. My wife was about to unleash her rage.

"Emmett!" she yelled. "..?"

"I…um…had…" I stammered. Rose may look sweet and innocent, but when you piss her off she is one fierce woman.

"Well turn the damn water off!" she shouted.

Turn the water off? What? And why the hell didn't I think of that?

"Yeah… okay…" I was still without words as I reached for the valve behind the toilet. "There," I said in an accomplished tone.

"Why the hell didn't you turn that off in the first place?" she asked.

"I…um…uh…" Obviously, I'd lost the ability to speak coherently.

"Ugh…"she groaned."Get something to clean this up. I'm gonna go see if it's still pouring downstairs."

She walked out shaking her head. This was bad. This was a night breaker. There was no way in hell I'd be getting anything but yelled at tonight.

~A/N- So there ya have it. Everything, with the exception of the Mexican food, actually happened. It was extremely hilarious, until my mom woke up. My very own _Museandpinksocks_ was not lying when she yelled "It's raining down here!" from the basement. It was indeed raining, and not just a little drizzle either. IT POURED.

Now hit review, because they're like crack to me and I need a fix, and tell me one of your own dirty little secrets.

And don't forget to go to _Museandpinksocks_' profile and read/review chapter 1 of Growing Up Is Hard To Do as well as The Immortal Blunder, by _garbageandkneehighs_.


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